STORIES FROM OUR VOLUNTEERS
 Each
Birth Mom’s Story is Different — Lori Caver
Sharing Faith with Patients — Gwen
Cobbs, M.D.
Healing and Helping Go Hand in Hand —
Kathryn Thompson
Being a Family to New Birth Parents and Their Baby
— Connie Ice
Blessed by a Birth Mom — Becky Johnston
A Mini-Force for Birthmothers on Campus —
Melinda Scott
Lori Caver
Each Birth Mom’s Story is Different
One Sunday during worship, my husband and I saw an announcement
about Birthmothers in the church bulletin. He leaned over to me
and whispered, “This is something that you should become
part of.”
We have two adopted children, now both adults. Often we think,
in gratitude, about their birth moms — the women who chose
to carry their babies to term, place their children for adoption
and provide us with the opportunity to have a family.
I contacted Carol Kabat, our Birthmothers Church Team Coordinator,
that very morning. And I became a Friend.
At the Friends training, I learned that many pregnant women simply
want someone to care. The Birthmothers staff gave us thorough
information about pregnancy, spiritual life, listening, adoption
and confidentiality. Plus we received a Training Manual and Resource
Directory. It’s updated regularly.
So far, I’ve been a Friend to several birth moms. Each
situation has been different.
Anna. One young lady, Anna, found out she was
pregnant while she was living with her boyfriend and his mother.
Both of them wanted Anna to have an abortion.
Anna was married. Her husband was stationed in Germany, and
she had other children; one lived with her parents, one lived
with her husband’s parents and a third she had placed for
adoption earlier in her life.
I was never able to arrange to see Anna, but she and I e-mailed
back and forth regularly. Thanks to the resources I had through
my Friends training, I was able to give Anna suggestions of places
to go for help. The last e-mail I received said, “It’s
too late. I’ve already had an abortion.” You can imagine
the grief I felt, both for her and her unborn child. And imagine
how much God must have felt Anna’s pain as well.
Jen. On the other hand, Jen shared her hurts
and her hopes for her 18-month-old son and unborn child right
from the start. She considered adoption but decided to parent
in order to give her son a sibling. Then Jen miscarried. What
a time of deep sadness when she told me that the car seat, clothes
and nursery supplies we had gathered would not be needed. I often
think of Jen and remember her and her son in prayer.
Melissa. Melissa found out she was pregnant,
but her husband didn’t want the baby. His unsupportive attitude
was hurtful. I became her Friend for the duration of her pregnancy.
Fortunately, when it came time for Melissa to deliver, her husband’s
outlook had changed. He took her to the hospital and stayed with
her while their son was born.
Anyone with tenderness toward children and families can become
a Friend. Nothing is more satisfying than being used by God for
good. I’ve had joy in helping other women. The children
are adorable. When birth moms receive our support, they are better
able to cope with their life situation.
I’m looking forward to being a Friend to many other birth
moms.
Gwen Cobbs, M.D.
Sharing Faith with Patients
In my OB/GYN practice, I treat many women who are pregnant and
did not plan to be.
Unplanned pregnancy is one of life’s most frightening
experiences. Women know that having a child will forever change
their way of life, and many tend to make rash decisions before
they know all the facts. A lot of women regret their decision
to have an abortion and later have to seek psychiatric care for
depression and guilt.
So when Mary (a close friend from church) told me about her volunteer
work with Birthmothers, I was captivated — both as a doctor
and a Christian.
Mary works one on one with pregnant women as a Friend. From the
start, I was impressed with her ability to listen to a birth mom,
and help her work through a decision-making process in a nonjudgmental
way. That attitude of acceptance helps grow a bond between birth
mom and Friend, which can progress to the birth mom learning about
Christ and His love for both her and her unborn child.
As much as possible, I mirror that approach in my practice. The
first thing I do with a new patient is find out what she is thinking
and feeling. If she is considering abortion, I ask her why she
sees this as the solution and what her religious beliefs are.
I try to impress upon her that God does not make mistakes; He
created the baby — not her and her partner. Then, I perform
a sonogram. This humanizes the baby for her. Many women are shocked
to see the heart beating so early in pregnancy.
I give the woman a picture of the baby to take home with her.
I tell her she is the only protector the baby has; babies are
totally dependent on their mothers. I explain that there is no
more important and loving job in the world than being a mother,
which includes placing a baby for adoption if the birth mom feels
she cannot care for the baby herself.
One birth mom was 24 weeks’ pregnant and asked me, “Will
you kill my baby today for me? I do not want it.” I explained
that I could not kill her baby, and that no one in this country
could do that for her at this point in her pregnancy. Later, I
delivered her baby girl, whom she did not want to see or hold.
She placed the child for adoption through Bethany Christian Services.
I’ve seen many sad situations, but I try to share Christ
with every patient. I ask if they belong to a church in the area,
if they want to be married, what they think about politics. I
even tell them about mission trips I’ve participated in
— anything to get them talking. My medical partners tolerate
my outspokenness, and they have agreed not to perform any abortions.
I explain to my patients that all of us make mistakes and can
be forgiven. God has a plan for each life and a destiny for each
baby. While women’s healthcare has many good counselors,
Birthmothers is the only organization with the core motive of
educating women about Christ. Saving the child’s life is
the second benefit of leading a birth mom to the Lord.
I met Birthmothers’ President Jim Wright, whose passion
and commitment for birth moms and the unborn is contagious. He
invited me to serve on the Board of Directors. I now have the
privilege of providing in-service training for volunteer Friends
— the opportunity to share with them about my faith in Jesus
and why He is so important. As part of the training, I pass along
information about anatomy, the menstrual cycle and the first trimester
of pregnancy, and I give them the chance to ask questions women
are afraid to ask.
Recently my patient, Linda, decided not to have an abortion.
She was considering her options, and I referred her to Birthmothers.
Mary became her Birthmothers Friend. I couldn’t help feeling
satisfaction that God had used me to help bring them together.
Kathryn Thompson
Healing and Helping Go Hand in Hand
When I learned about Birthmothers through my church —
an organization that helps women in unplanned pregnancies —
I was automatically drawn in. You see, I was pregnant about fourteen
years ago. If I’d had a support network at the time, perhaps
things would have turned out differently for my child and me.
But in my confusion, I turned to abortion.
Then, three years ago, I gave birth to my son. I felt a combination
of overwhelming joy, guilt and sadness. My newborn child was a
constant reminder of my earlier decision. That sadness grew into
depression. Finally, I joined a post-abortion Bible study at my
church. Only then was I able to fully heal and experience God’s
forgiveness.
God’s forgiveness is everything. I wanted to share it.
But due to an impending move out of the area, I was unable to
become a Birthmothers Friend. Instead, I helped promote the organization
during the time that remained.
I called places where pregnant women might seek services and
asked if I might post Birthmothers’ flyers and business
cards: university counseling centers, health clinics, student
activity centers, private counseling centers, doctors’ offices
and women’s centers.
Some places were more receptive than others, and I had more misses
than hits. But it was exhilarating when somebody was interested.
And that allowed more women to find out about the support Birthmothers
offers.
Since then, my husband’s new job led us away from the D.C.
region. But the satisfaction of giving back to pregnant women
has stayed with me. Now that my son has started preschool, I have
time for volunteering at a local crisis pregnancy center.
I know from experience that getting pregnant can happen to anyone,
regardless of race, religion or circumstances. It even happens
to Christians like me, and it’s a lonely and scary feeling.
More than anything, these women need a caring, nonjudgmental Friend
to listen. I could’ve used one.
My prayer is for the Birthmothers ministry to continue growing.
Someday, I’d like to help again.
Connie Ice
Being a Family to New Birth Parents and
Their Baby
After 20 years of marriage and three miscarriages, God blessed
my husband and me with a son. He is our miracle. So there’s
a special place in my heart for babies.
Mandi was 19 and had just given birth when I became her Friend.
She and Joe, the baby’s father, had no family and no support
nearby. Baby Andrew had to stay in ICU for a few days right after
he was born.
My heart broke when I learned that Mandi, Joe and Andrew planned
to take the public bus home from the hospital. My husband and
I talked over the situation, and he took a day off work to give
the new family a ride. We shared their story with our church.
Members contributed clothes and nursery items for Andrew —
a true outpouring.
After that, Mandi and Joe called on us periodically for help,
just as any young couple would call on extended family. For instance,
Mandi became very ill one day while Joe was at work. I went to
their home and took care of Andrew until Joe’s shift was
done.
Then came the night when Andrew couldn’t stop crying.
Mandi and Joe called 911, and we arrived right after the ambulance
did. The paramedics determined that Andrew was safe. We offered
to take the baby to our home overnight so Mandi and Joe could
get some sleep.
Then we had a wonderful, extended visit with Andrew for 10 days,
while Mandi and Joe went to Florida for house and job hunting.
Our seven-year-old son loved playing big brother! Right before
they moved, Mandi told me she was expecting once again.
I like to think that my family became a family to Mandi, Joe
and Andrew, even for just a short time. And after all, isn’t
that what God calls us to do?
Becky Johnston
Blessed by a Birth Mom
I read about Birthmothers in my church bulletin. Immediately
I thought, What a great way to help women not feel alone!
In spite of a supportive husband and friends, the loneliest months
of my life were when I’d become a new mom. I could only
imagine the fear and isolation a woman feels when she discovers
she is pregnant and did not plan to be.
After I trained as a Friend, I was matched with Jill through
one of Birthmothers’ partner organizations. Our relationship
is unusual.
Jill wasn’t pregnant. In fact, she gave birth to David
three years ago — that is, when she was 14. Now, she’s
trying to parent her son and finish high school. I feel honored
to be considered her Friend and mentor.
For awhile, Jill lived with the baby’s father. She and
her son suffered physical and mental abuse at his hand. They now
live with her grandmother, her sister and her sister’s two
young children — with limited resources. The baby’s
father is on a restraining order after serving time in jail.
Then Jill’s trusted therapist passed away suddenly from
a heart attack … her best friend’s baby died of SIDS
… she and her community suffered the loss of loved ones
in a tragic school bus accident … and she recently lost
another dear friend …
Her problems are much bigger than any I’ve ever faced
in my life. Often I feel overwhelmed and intimidated by my role
as her Friend.
This is where Birthmothers’ network has been invaluable.
The volunteers are so giving. It took one e-mail blast to gather
plenty of clothes, toys, nursery items and kid gear for David
to last him through this year. The staff reminded me that what
Jill needs most is an encourager. They help me know what to say;
I pray a lot for wisdom and words.
Jill is determined to overcome the odds. She is very smart,
has many gifts and is tremendously brave … she has a phenomenal
future before her. I’m excited to witness it.
Jill’s grit and determination are an inspiration. At 17,
she has already shown abundant grace while facing overwhelming
adversity. She wants more for herself now — and for her
son — and she is making choices accordingly. I’m humbled
by her example and blessed by her friendship.
Melinda Scott
A Mini-Force for Birthmothers on Campus
God created a special tenderness in my heart for women and their
unborn infants. So when I became a student at George Mason University
(Fairfax, VA), I looked for a place to volunteer — for an
organization that helps pregnant women choose life. I learned
about Birthmothers online.
Even just one person can serve in a significant way. I know this
to be true because I became a mini-publicity force for Birthmothers
on GMU’s campus. There were three simple tools I used to
get the word out:
- Bulletin boards: I posted flyers (in both
English and Spanish) on bulletin boards around campus. I found
I had to replenish the flyers each week after the maintenance
staff cleared them. The bulletin boards in the busiest places
got a lot of traffic; I thought people might see them and have
Birthmothers on their minds for themselves or someone they knew.
I also put flyers on boards in quieter places, since people
who were struggling might be by themselves, taking a lonely
route, and may be more willing to write down a phone number
when no one could see them.
- Health clinic: I received permission from
a health clinic director to display a Birthmothers card holder
and cards. It stands out because it’s 3-D, colorful and
different from all the other health brochures on the wall.
- Word of mouth: I always carry Birthmothers
Need a Friend? cards with me. That way, if I hear someone
say, “My friend is pregnant,” “I’m pregnant,”
or another comment that reveals a need, I offer help and a card.
I was even able to share a card with a friend of a family member
who was considering an abortion.
A child is a powerful gift. Scripture says a lot about the value
of motherhood — that it’s one of the most divine features
of being a woman. In sharp contrast, Satan works to strip women
of their value. I mourn that opposing deception in our culture.
Christians can pursue the right thing, serve others and share
the message about choosing life. Each person contributing in one
small way adds up to God’s force for spreading the truth.
|
